NOT AFRAID OF DEATH

Afraid of working 24X 7
yet not helping another to live
instead hear he died at his own
hands…….Afraid of loving a man
who may see me as an investment
not paying the expected dividend
or as a photograph that got folded in all the wrong corners.I am afraid to live in a house with
a mirror with out a reflectionAn opaque surface where nothing Is impressed. I am afraid of preferring to talk to a stone than a man one day I am afraid of thinking Intuition is just a random choice Not a gift of God.I am afraid of sending e-mails to
my self , hoping to be understood
By a thief who will be interested
enough to break genuine friendships
But will never offer me company
I am afraid of getting addicted
to a routine with consistent
sparks of creativity helping others , fooling my self to thinkI am making a difference or I am not like disposable contact lens that never is worn
to sleep.. I am not afraid of dramaI am merely afraid of calling it a reality since I believe it as a reality
I am not afraid of death
I am afraid of dying
Dying life like mortals
Living death like immortals

9 thoughts on “NOT AFRAID OF DEATH

  1. as someone familiar with your work, and as someone who has collaborated with you on some love-filled poems, there is just so much angst in this piece that bothers me. without meaning to judge you or this poem, i just want to share a passage with you from “a course in miracles.” “your fear endows what you fear with the power to hurt you. you believe in what you value and when you are afraid you are valuing illusions. truth and illusion then have equal power in your mind and this destroys your peace” (17). if it makes any difference, you’ve helped me become a better human being. so, it really troubles me to read this: “I am afraid of getting addicted/to a routine with consistent/sparks of creativity helping/others, fooling myself to think/I am making a difference or/I am not like disposable/contact lens that never is worn/to sleep.” i cannot speak for others, but you’ve made a difference in my life, and i believe the good we do for others is the rent we pay for our room in heaven.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thank you so much .
    Sometimes , when we are helping and still misunderstood as doing something selfish , It does hurt.
    Insight does cause temporary sorrow to my patients , I am helping , I know it is inevitable . Insight comes later with out me , comes earlier with me , because of interpretations I do hold them through that process. Rarely it does hurt to know I did it alone for my self that is why I know how to protect another even when they are gaining insight in to their misery , and it causes more misery at first to know how much you contributed to it your self. Yet that is the first step towards redemption.
    Self doubt is necessary ingredient of psychological work that I can not express at work place, since I need to show a face that is overconfident , even brazen at times. Professionalism demands it. But I am not doing a drama , I am human , hence fallible like the patient too. Yet I try my best not to do that. And most people in India want to believe doctor is a deity or a demon and not human like them.
    There have been serious attacks on doctors in Maharashtra, we had to protest.

    At a personal level , thank you for that affection , it has helped me more to be understood by you. Especially when I was being misunderstood often.
    Much gratitude always.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Do you know, continuing from earlier conversations, I wish I could just give you a hug and tell you everything is ok, love yourself for the beautiful person you are.

    Liked by 1 person

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