She was toying with the idea of being Rake’s girl friend, but his lifestyle, education, job , nothing tallied with her,and Madhu could not get into a romantic liaison where future was non existent. If she had to think about being Rake’s girlfriend, then it was wrong. It was just loneliness, a state of her emotions, it was non specific, he had no specific attributes to fill it. Because, when she wanted something or someone she often realized it long before the other person had any inkling. She could sense a mate in a man, like the rain in a cloud, or the fruit in a seed, sensing which seed will grow roots and survive. Tallest trees often had deepest roots. Once her feelings were really stirred and reciprocated she could suffer, and believe that love like faith is non utilitarian………Unreciprocated, so even in the privacy of her own mind Anand was banned, but Madhu lacked the common sense, or shrewdness of an urban mind to look for a practical marriage. The genes of a farmer, who was carried away by the song before sowing the seeds, played its part, transcending all logic. She was looking for a love larger, grander than the previous one.
If anything she wanted to love a man more than she loved Anand, having convinced herself, this other man was somewhere close by, like truth, she just had to find him.
Madhu’s faith was like that, somewhat childish, magical, but real to her, she really believed there was a god somewhere in some ruined temple, no one had recognised his divinity, so he was waiting to be worshipped by her, in the process he would become human, make her human, redeem her from herself, she would discover him, even knowing that he existed would redeem her from this infinite loneliness. This faith caused her loneliness, but in it laid the only key to her redemption. She had no choice but to find it. But it was a corner of her soul, where this insanity was permitted, as it formed the foundation for her sanity, she did not permit reason to spoil this. She cleverly masked it no one saw that insanity.
Her sanity was fragile, dependent on the strength of this insanity.