It was tough to live the vicarious trauma of a raped wife
It was easier to display manhood by becoming an abuser
The most ordinary reaction.
What did you see in him ?
An adolescent with bipolar affective disorder was grabbing
his younger sister by her breasts,she was scared of home
of brother.
mother was torn between children.
Was it mania ?
How to handle this?
I was confused.
The man who had felt the vicarious trauma of rape,looked angry,
so angry,completely convinced of the guilt of the boy…
“You must call the bluff”He said.
Something in me melted to see the reflection of my anger, my vulnerability , my violation in a man ….
Yes,he felt it as though he was a woman…!
I wanted to hold him …
That one minute changed my life.
I saw innocence before it was destroyed.
There was a power cut,lights went out.
Like it did when I was raped 14 years ago.

8 thoughts on “CALL IT BLUFF ( I AM A MAN-2)

  1. my belief is, if you tell someone how you’ve been treated before by the opposite sex, you’re telling them what limits (or liberties) they can go/take in abusing you. in most instances, those who know your vulnerability will abuse it. that’s why i believe you must deal with your present hurt/vulnerabilty before embarking on a new love experience. or go into the relationship not expecting the person to be the answer to your problems. but human nature …


    1. There are insights while working with abuser and abused simultaneously. You see the vulnerability of the abuser who believes abuse is a synonym of power and the victim who fears violation hence becomes the target , these patterns repeat . And it takes honesty with herself for the victim to stop the vicious cycle. By showing that power is not violation. But respect for boundaries.
      Yes, I definitely agree with your view that very few men can be nicer to a victim as a lover , tend to think the previous one is a sort of yardstick to measure the sexual worth of the woman….
      Hence I think sexual self esteem is dependent on previous experience too….and child abuse starts it all on a wrong note. A failure of civilization and society to safeguard a child. Tragic.
      Thank you so much for your views.

      Liked by 1 person

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